Chocolate Porn

It’s that time of the month. For 10 days my body goes into chocolate craving overdrive. So much so, that I find myself drooling over the idea of chocolate, pictures of chocolate and of course chocolate itself.  With my chocolate craving in full go, I needed something to calm my nerves and wondered if there were anyone out there who thought of the phrase. 

I googled “Chocolate Porn”.

I knew I crossed the line.

Of course I know about pornography etc etc. But at that present time, at that present hormone induced chocolate stupor, I forgot about sex and explicit imagery.  I was hoping to find oodles and oodles of exciting, arousing chocolate. In a paradoxical way—I actually did, just not what I needed to calm my cravings.  

I took a step back, reassessed the situation, grabbed my keys and ran to the nearest cornershop.

Pajama bottoms, oversized coat,  ugg boots and an afro in disarray. I shook like Tyrone Biggums. 

I waited till i got home before I opened the goods. At least I was a patient addict.

I sat in front of my computer and indulged….

People who say women and chocolate are stereotypical, redundant cliches, need to go and grab a snickers.

Chocolate is better than sex, the solution to war, gangrene and the recession. It’s soothing, smooth, sweet and hits parts of neurone centres that keep researchers in funding heaven.

And I love the headlines.

“Scientists have found a link to women and healthy hearts” Yea right.

It’s shameful marketing propaganda of course. But hey, an addict needs justification.

“Dark chocolate has more antioxidants and fewer calories”

Well spank me hard and call me Georgia, I’ll take a swallow of Lindt dark chocolate truffles please. And since it’s been proven to re-fine wrinkles AND it’s an aphrodisiac, I’ll smear some on my face and ask the next hottie to lick it off during foreplay.  I dont know why men think it’s absurd. It actually multi-functional and life saving. I wouldnt be here right now, if I didnt have a bit of chocolate cake to inspire me and save me fom blog post boredom. Truly.

The only thing I hate about this that it usually coincides with the “in heat” phase of the month. And do you know how hard it is juggling chocolate cravings and arsousal urges?

It’s a phenomenal human struggle.